Building your emotional container

Imagine after a long day finally sitting down to dinner with your wife, husband, or special someone. The food is prepared and smells great, all responsibilities are taken care of, and all what’s left to do is simply enjoy. The stage is set, and nothing seems to stand in the way of enjoying your upcoming time together.

Suddenly the peaceful energy that has begun to develop is quickly replaced with an argument. The little seed of sweet harmony is banished with a back and forth of arguing and hostility.


What makes it so challenging not to throw in a comment that will cause an argument or ruin the evening? Why is it so hard to be able to experience these types of special or intimate moments?

What is so threatening about bliss and peace that (on some level) creates a need for it to be ruined?

Why is it so easier to maintain the status-quo of arguments and cold peace than create a love filled environment?


The answers to these questions are complex and each situation varies.


However, part of the answer often lies with the concept of emotional container.


This concept expresses that the healthier our nervous system is and the more emotionally regulated we are, the more elasticity our system will have to “hold” intense, challenging, blissful or beautiful moments.

Conversely, the more stressed or emotionally blocked we are, the more difficult it becomes to contain these emotions.

When one’s nervous system is either shut down or inhibited they loses their ability to fully contain or handle intense feeling even when they are positive.

One’s inner emotional system loses the band-with to to hold such experiences.

Being able to feel love and serenity becomes to much to handle; too much to contain; so the moment needed to be broken.


(This concept also helps explain some sexual dysfunctions. At their core, these dysfunctions are expressions of the individual not being able to handle a strong “charge.” Their nervous system, or emotional container struggles to handle the intensity of physical or emotional intimacy. As the emotional or physical charge begins to build it quickly becomes overwhelming and part of them shuts down or withdraws.)


Don’t worry there is hope.

The power of a mind-body approach towards emotional healing is that it helps one expand and develop their emotional container.

This process enables one to be able to handle a wider range of emotion without getting overwhelmed.

As one expands their ability to handle emotion on a wider range of intensity they can begin to access the beauty of life on a deeper level; beauty that was waiting all around them just waiting to be embraced.

The sun shining that was never noticed or soaked up;

The food that was never fully tasted;

The relationships that were never fully appreciated or enjoyed;


By deepening ones healing and strengthening their nervous system one can expand their ability to “handle” the beauty and positive “intensity” of life all around them.

One also won’t get thrown off by negative triggers as easily as their nervous system can now handle more challenges in both positive or negative directions.

Take away points:

  • One can sabotage beautiful moments (even unconsciously) because they have no “container” to be able to experience them.
  • Sexual dysfunction can be caused when an individual is challenged to contain positive charge.
  • Once we build our emotional container so much beauty of life that was always around us can be appreciated.
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